• I am legally changing my name to Hillary Hussein Clinton.
  2008.07.02 21:05
• I like black men. I had two last night. It was like a double stuffed Oreo cookie. They gave me a creamy center.
  2008.07.02 06:04
• I inhaled.
  2008.06.20 18:53
• The Black Captain America voted for me.
  2008.06.17 10:19
• There's a little black spot on the sun today, but it's not my soul up there. I don't have one.
  2008.06.13 13:33
• I'm suspending my campagin and will resume it after Obama's assassination.
  2008.06.09 10:26
• My vagina is not a clown car.
  2008.06.09 10:19
• I am announcing today that I intend to run as the first Peronist candidate.
  2008.06.05 06:52
• It is my birthright to be on the throne of the American Empire!
  2008.06.04 08:05
• It may be too late for me to win, but it's never too late to destroy what's left of my party.
  2008.06.03 21:12
• My delegates from Florida and Michigan are worth less than slaves from the 1700s.
  2008.06.02 07:24
• I'm not 'The Man,' I'm just his representative.
  2008.05.29 10:03
• Working moms chose great value.
  2008.05.21 20:31
• Republicans are paying me to stay in this race and I won't let them down.
  2008.05.21 11:47
• God, we need to have a little chat about the way this election is going.
  2008.05.20 07:13
• McCain is backing Chuck Norris.
  2008.05.16 16:32
• A homeless man asked me for change. I told him, "Sorry, I don't support terrorism."
  2008.05.13 15:50
• We should start taxing the homeless.
  2008.05.13 10:40
• You have a milkshake and I have a milkshake, but my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
  2008.05.12 22:24
• I promise to re-edit the Bible so every reference to Christ is about Batman instead.
  2008.05.09 15:36
• I wake up and piss excellence in the morning. It smells like victory.
  2008.05.07 22:34
• I piss competence
  2008.05.06 22:14
• I may be white on the outside, but on the inside, I'm as black as Obama!
  2008.04.30 10:25
• I fought with Gangus Kaun during the Peloponnesian War. I came under sniper fire when I entered Macedonia.
  2008.04.30 08:43
• I believe all women should learn to pee standing up.
  2008.04.30 06:29
• I am determined to kill Martin Luther King's dream.
  2008.04.25 10:56
• Freedom!!!
  2008.04.24 11:47
• I am Hillrod. Hillrod smash!
  2008.04.23 18:40
• I am a ball breaking bitch!
  2008.04.22 16:59
• Are you there God? It's me, Hillary.
  2008.04.20 21:40
• I wouldn't ask my husband for moral advice.
  2008.04.20 18:20
• I am the second coming of Christ.
  2008.04.20 13:31
• If you play Obama's speeches backwards...you'll fuck up your needle.
  2008.04.18 21:51
• The presidency is mine, my precious.
  2008.04.18 11:43
• I'm having a heavy flow day.
  2008.04.18 10:33
• Chelsie spent time at the Neverland ranch. It shaped her into the woman she is today.
  2008.04.18 07:03
• I'm fucking Matt Damon (Video)
  2008.04.17 16:48
• Bill was the one who ordered my execution in Bosnia.
  2008.04.17 08:32
• John McCain for Pope!
  2008.04.16 21:51
• If I shave them, will you lick them?
  2008.04.16 18:48
• Chelsea is the chosen one from the prophecy who will defeat the Sith, restore order to the force and bring peace to the galaxy.
  2008.04.16 06:33
• I'm pregnant, and Obama is the father.
  2008.04.15 17:12
• John McCain is a cyborg made from stem cells, aborted fetuses and tortured baby democrats. It's true because I read it on the Internet.
  2008.04.15 10:58
• Obama doesn't care about white people.
  2008.04.15 08:04
• Bill, I think it's about time we started seeing other people.
  2008.04.14 16:47
• I am more than just Monica's boyfriend's wife.
  2008.04.14 14:49
• My name is Hannah Montana. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
  2008.04.14 10:51
• I am Rocky Balboa!
  2008.04.14 08:39
• I was wrong. We should have open trade with Columbia.
  2008.04.14 08:09
• When the call comes at 3am, I will be ready. Unlike my opponent, you can be assured that I will not be getting laid.
  2008.04.14 05:04
• I will propose funding to genetically engineer a miniature elephant. Honestly, who doesn't want a foot tall elephant as a house pet?
  2008.04.13 19:45
• I fought beside John Kerry in Vietnam. We woke up to the smell of napalm every morning.
  2008.04.13 16:26
• Forget the election, get an erection
  2008.04.12 12:58
• Am I for the war? Depends, what's popular right now?
  2008.04.12 12:35
• I pried the gun from Charlie's Cold Dead Hands.
  2008.04.12 09:58
• I gave up my seat on the bus for Rosa Parks
  2008.04.12 09:56
• We will find earth. I promise you that. So say we all.
  2008.04.12 00:59
• Every morning I wake up, put one foot on the floor and the other foot up my husband's ass!
  2008.04.11 17:38
• I was shot in Bosnia. The damage was so bad, I though I would surely die. But they were able to rebuild me: Better, Faster, Stronger.
  2008.04.11 14:04
• I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die. I slit his throat and felt the warm caress of blood flow over my hands. It felt like victory.
  2008.04.11 14:03
• I came under fire during the great fast food epidemic. There were cheese burgers and cakes everywhere.
  2008.04.11 14:03

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